Experiences so far..

I honestly don't really know where to start continuing below.I have been in and out of hospital since day one so far i think would add up to more then 30 days or so.So there is so much to tell.


Bottom line is , i am diagnosed with end stage renal failure.I am currently on Haemodialysis temporarily hence the IJC still inserted at my neck.I recently a week ago went surgery to insert tube catheter at the right side of my stomach.My medical condition is for life.Until I GET a chance for transplant.Even with transplant,I will not be 100% cured.My journey is still so long.so damn freaking long more.


Many tell me i should be positive.be okay.honestly yes i am okay.I accepted whatever happens to me.


But I can honestly tell you these early stages are hell.i cant even imagine for people with cancer how they go through with the pain and treatments,inexperienced housemen poking you till it hurts and bleeds wee hours of the morning.Going dialysis at 11pm for 4 hours,antibiotics on drip that can make you sleep the whole day!
or unknowingly did a slight jump down from the hospital bed (damn bed quite high,im short!) right after removing a femural catheter from my thigh,the floor was FULL OF MY BLOOD WHICH LOOKS AS BAD AS A MURDER CRIME SCENE,I NEARLY FAINTED,blood sugar dropped like hell in an instant,doctors and nurses came running and i ruined my fav doc white shoes (i din know that the veins at the thighs are as big as arteries)


During surgery,i was not fully anaesthetised so i could feel.i could feel the movements.i got scared and they needed to add dosage to calm me down.The IJC at my neck have been resutured removed adjusted and replaced more then twice,and it is 15cm long.Earlier weeks,it keeps blooding and oozing even when i sneezed i bleed.Its horrible!


Going thru Haemodylisis was from okay to bad to worse.HD for short is blood dialysis.It is to clean my blood,so the extraction of thousands litres sometimes goes smoothly without hitch,at times I experience hypoglycemia,my whole body gets cold and i sweat and it feels horrible,unexplainable uncomfortable feeling while being strapped onto the machine,nurses have to rush to my rescue.Or at times i would be vomiting.I have once vomited all over me,nurses had to stop the machine return my blood first to clean me up.


The worse most horrible experience was when about 2am,i could feel my right leg started to cramp,and worse it followed by my left leg.Please imagine how painful when you get leg cramps,that is times a million of it,it was excruciating,i was helpless all i could do is scream,i scream my heart out and cry.I couldnt continue treatment,they had to quickly return my blood.I woke up the whole Nephrology ward.
Sometimes after dialysis,feeling drained is a norm.And during hospitalised,i actually fell down from my bed and rolled under to the next bed,and screamed cz i was so dazed and confused as to what happen.i couldnt really open my eyes and it was very blurry.



From 15 Oct onwards I need to be in hospital everyday for 14 days straight day to night.

Uncertainty sucks.